There needs to be more L’Arche – By Matthew Coleman

Spotlight on Matthew Coleman, Monthly Donor

Matthew Coleman, the brother of Dan, a core member living at Simpson House, is a monthly donor to L’Arche Toronto. We are deeply grateful to our monthly donors who collectively contribute over $25,000 annually to help L’Arche Toronto provide supports and create a caring community. 

There Needs to be More L’Arche

By Matthew Coleman

My brother, Dan, is a core member of L’Arche Toronto, and my mother, Kathy, has been involved with L’Arche for over 50 years. I remember being a child and going to L’Arche homes. And I have vivid memories of sleeping over at a camp as a kid. My family and another family, the Egans, would go and hang out with the L’Arche community for a weekend. (The ‘friends weekend’ in Collingwood). Spending time with people with disabilities, having a great time with friends, and my brother being there, normalized having a brother with Down Syndrome. Seeing people with disabilities in community, for lack of a better word, this was not a ‘burden,’ this was life.

I remember people would always ask me, “What’s it like having a brother with Down Syndrome?” And I would describe it as “This is just the air I breathe.” I’ve always had a brother with Down Syndrome. I don’t know how to differentiate my life from your life. I guess sometimes I’d have to stay back a little bit to help out my mom when she had to go do something. Or when my dad was out. So, I’d just hang out with my brother. Or during the summers, I’d always get involved in the same camps as my brother, Dan, but it was never an issue. And people were always supportive. That was my life, the air I breathed.

Dan in front with Matthew, Luke, Megan, and Adam

Dan’s journey to L’Arche

I come from a large family, there’s five kids, Dan being one. For whatever reason, we all moved out at the age of 30. My older sister Megan moved out at 30. My older brother Luke moved out at 30. Then it was Dan’s turn. And that’s a challenge for a lot of people with disabilities. My mom was adamant, “Kids don’t live at home forever. And Dan’s no different” I remember a family meeting, the classic family meeting around the dining room table, having the conversation that Dan needed to move out of the house. It wasn’t because my parents didn’t want him there. It was because this was the right thing for Dan. It was really challenging for some of us, very emotional.

Dan is at home in L’Arche

Dan is a clown, an absolute clown. There’s a performing arts program at L’Arche called Sol Express. I had the opportunity to see two plays they put on, one at the JCC and one at Todmorden Mills. It’s great that Dan was able to participate in this program and clown around with his friends of various abilities. You have people like the classic Nick Herd, who’s as cool as a cucumber and extremely capable, and others who have more significant disabilities, and they’re hanging out together. And you realize that this is a theatre group. And Dan loves it because he is a clown, and when he gets to clown around like that, he is just so happy.

Dan’s also very lazy. That’s just a quality as a human being. He’s a lazy human being. Getting his butt kicked out the door to go do stuff like that is really important. And Dan does have a naturally caring side when he holds a baby or when people are sad, I have memories of being sad and his just putting his arm around me like a good Big Brother. So, he does have that quality, but I just kind of think of the clown.

One of the highlights of my year is the holiday open house at Simpson House with my family and the members of the community there. At this point in life, I don’t get to spend as much time with my brother Dan. I’m a professional, married, and have two young kids. Anyone who has kids knows they take a lot of energy. I’m not worried because I know Dan’s in a good space. It comforts me to know that he’s not missing out because I need to prioritize my kids. But I make sure to get to the Open House. And the people at Simpson are great. I love seeing Dan and Atilla’s relationship, it’s a love hate relationship that never ends. That’s really the highlight of the year that we all look forward to.

Why I’m a monthly donor

There needs to be more L’Arche because L’Arche makes the world a better place. There are budgetary pressures at the federal level, the provincial level, municipal level, within families, within L’Arche. Everyone loves a ribbon-cutting and capital budgets are always exciting. Operating budgets are never sexy, never glamorous, but that’s where you can tell that the work gets done. Being a monthly donor gives me the opportunity to support people living in the community. Knowing that my small support for L’Arche helps someone live in the community lets me sleep really well at night.

Whenever I need to stop by a L’Arche house to drop something off, you meet the assistants, you meet the core members, and it’s always a warm welcome. The core members, no matter where they are on the spectrum of verbal or communication skills, acknowledge you. This is a place where people are happy to be. This isn’t a care facility where people just sit around. This is a home. My description of home is where your heart beats the lowest. I feel that people in L’Arche are really calm and happy.